CHEAPSKATE TRAVEL

"A journey by Sea and Land, Five Hundred Miles, is not undertaken without money."

                                                Lewis Hallam, actor

I was flipping around the cable channels the other day, looking for something to watch. I was hardly stunned to discover that TLC — which originally meant “The Learning Channel” — has a program titled EXTREME CHEAPSKATES. And the one that was running at that particular hour was a special Travel edition.

I’m not really someone who enjoys the voyeuristic “laugh at them” type of programming that seems to prevail as cable programming these days, though admit to enjoying the less insulting reality shows related to real estate, home improvement and cooking. To each their own, but something in the voyeur shows give me the heebie-jeebies and I feel like I need to shower after seeing just a few moments of one of them.

Yes, I’m judgmental.

But this one caught my eye because of the travel element, so I watched. And in many ways I’d like to unwatch if I could.

As a travel blogger I have written a number of times about the need to “right-size” your vacation to your travel budget. I see nothing wrong with limited funds, and the purpose of budgeting is to stretch those funds as far as possible. But there is a fine and explicit line between “limited funds” and "cheap”. These people simply didn’t want to spend money they evidently had. And this infuriated me.

Two of the three stories I saw on the show — I joined late -- irritated me. I caught the tail end of the first, which featured a family of five or six (I wasn’t clear) on a trip to a rural setting. They were wanting to ride horses, but wouldn’t pay the full fare for an hour for all six of them — it amounted to a couple hundred dollars, I believe. So the father went to work on the hapless stable owner, grinding him down to six ten minute rides for the cost of a single one hour. In a way I can understand — not support but understand — the intent here. Okay, fine. Cheapskate, but buying six every time you do something would put pressure on anyone’s wallet. I get that.

But the next story just depressed me. A mother was taking her daughter and her daughter’s friend on a trip to Las Vegas. (Why this was an ideal destination for a cheapskate mother and two early teen girls I have no idea. But that doesn’t matter because they never got the taste of Las Vegas for their money.)

There are ways to do Vegas on a budget. It’s that kind of town. LOTS of ways. And you still emerge with that Las Vegas experience. Sadly, it appeared that cheap-o Mom was prepared to give them anything BUT the Las Vegas experience and, indeed, paid good money to do things they could readily do in their own hometown. 

(I caught only a glance at the airport, which looked like Denver International.)

To save money, Mom had the girls layer — yes, layer — all of their clothes to make room for food that Mom wanted to bring from home to save money. So the girls, looking so embarrassed I felt myself dying inside, dutifully layered up to let Mom pack foodstuffs into their carry-on (checking bags cost money after all) luggage, and set off for the airport.

First, evidently Mom didn’t quite catch the part where Las Vegas has supermarkets of its own. Instead of buying food at home and transporting it to Las Vegas, thereby making herself and her kids uncomfortable, all she needed to do was schedule a trip to the market at the destination.

But it gets worse. 

Mom, ever pinching pennies, refused to take a cab or public transportation to her hotel — a facility that is, by the way, never revealed by the show. I imagine the hotel simply didn’t want to be identified with this fiasco, and I cannot blame them. There are dozens and dozens of inexpensive inns around the Strip — and the hotels downtown are quite inexpensive themselves. Particularly if you go during the week…and there was no indication this trip needed to be on a weekend. I caught myself being a bit squeamish imagining the type of hotel this woman must have taken her kids to…were there hookers and drug dealers? In my imagination, this woman was capable of just about that. But Mom, not wanting to pay for transport from the airport simply hopped on another hotel's free shuttle -- essentially misleading the driver all the way to within what looked to be a block or two walk from their own hotel. Then, they simply asked to be let off on the street by the stunned hotel driver, who watched disbelievingly as the woman and the girls trundled their luggage across the parking lot towards another property.

This isn't being cheap or frugal, it's freeloading. 

But it gets worse. 

Mom decided that activities on the Strip were too expensive. She’d promised the girls a ride on a roller coaster, and a trip to one of the famous Las Vegas buffets. But "not at THOSE prices".

Insert an After-5pm special ticket for two (Mom was going to sit prettily in the parking lot eating her flown-in food and “enjoying the sun”) at the nearby — and decidedly unLas Vegas -- Wet and Wild. It’s a locals hangout where they can go and cool down on a hot Las Vegas summer day. It’s NOT quintessentially Las Vegas, as water parks of this type can be found within driving distance of most major metropolitan areas. 

(I think these are great parks, btw, it’s just that you don’t need to go all the way to Las Vegas to enjoy them. Drive a little, save a lot.)

So grinch-o-rama Mom did nothing more than pay to fly these girls for a few hours at a water park she could have driven them to in Colorado. Nothing very Vegas-y about the experience. Nothing unique or particularly memorable. And experiencing something unique, something memorable is at the very heart of effective travel.

But it gets worse.

Natural wonders

Las Vegas is known for the buffets served at almost all of the major hotels, as well as some very unique establishments scattered throughout the city. Yes, it’s part of the experience to get out and see what can be a mind-bending display of opulence yours for the price of admission. Some, like the spreads at Bellagio and other high-end resorts, carry high-end price tags. Others are much more moderately priced.

But Mom decides that the Las Vegas experience can be achieved by visiting what appears to be a chain buffet — not dissimilar to a CiCi’s or Golden Corral or Hometown Buffet. All fine and decent brands, but all available within a few miles of their home, I’m sure. An experience decidedly NOT Las Vegas buffet-y. It’s, again, something Mom could have done without the cost of a hotel or airfare. 

http://www.thedailymeal.com/11-best-chain-restaurant-all-you-can-eat-deals/121113

But it gets worse.

(I’m running out of descriptive terms here) So Momma Scrooge hears the cost of the all-you-can-eat buffet and immediately goes to her penny-pinching mode, grilling the hostess about other options. Not only does this make Mom the villain, but clearly and thoroughly humiliates the girls. You can visually see the friend hiding her face, turning beet red and wishing, from all appearances, that she could be as far away from here as possible. The daughter simply adopts the “here we go again” look of humiliation to which she’s apparently become accustomed.

Street Performances

And Mom misses it completely. She shysters her way down to the cost of a single entry by “negotiating” with a thunderstruck employee, for which they get a to-go box filled with three entrees. Probably no better or worse than if they’d simply walked in and asked for a single to-go box from the start. It’s a ridiculous moment, and yet Mom is proud of what she has accomplished. 

Which, as a traveler, is zero. For all her money, all she has done is buy — once you factor in airfare and hotel costs, minimal as both might be — a frightfully expensive day out in a place not dissimilar to her own back yard.

Yes, at the end she and the girls go downtown for an evening under the FREMONT STREET EXPERIENCE, but it’s woefully inadequate to the task of showing the girls what makes Vegas unique amongst American cities. It's a fraction of what they could have seen and done with nary a single dollar extra. (Window shopping at The Forum Shops at Caesars, or the Venetian, or Planet Hollywood. The Fountains at Bellagio for the cost of a walk up the Strip. Etc.)

It’s an embarrassing and pointless exercise, and the object of pinching pennies becomes the focus, not the adventure or experience of being someplace different. 

(I was going to go into the third story in the show’s episode, but this is enough for now. The stupidity of that one, involving two cheapskate roommates who are apparently possessed of a single outfit each and an incredible set of cheapskate cajones, was a little less egregious than this one. A little. At least no innocent young potential-travelers were abused.)

Go fishing

But it’s back to my original point: there’s nothing wrong with budget travel. If things are tight, you do less expensive trips. That’s all. My wife’s family used to go camping in the Yosemite National Park. It’s a highlight of her youth, and yet it was an inexpensive and family-oriented voyage. They experienced the park in a meaningful way without busting the bank. My own family would spend time at the beach.

(As my go-to example for experiencing a place, I often cite that in New York City truly experiencing Times Square is not by eating at the Olive Garden, or the Planet Hollywood, but rather by going across the street to a local dive, or city-based chain if you’re so inclined. The food may be no better or cheaper, but the experience will be.)

Arts and Crafts Shows

Likewise, for the same cost as she spent on the flight and hotel in Las Vegas the woman on this program could have treated her daughter and friend to a spectacular and memorable day around the Denver area — or better, driven up into the Rocky Mountains for a unique and enjoyable weekend experience. Mom likely returned home, beaming with pride that they’d “done” Las Vegas and she’d managed to grinch a few business owners out of a dollar or two, instead of actually experiencing what it was they flew hundreds of miles to experience. Mom completely, totally misses the point of travel — budget or otherwise. She never “did” Las Vegas, or truly experienced anything beyond a stressful time trying to pinch her pennies at business-owners', her daughter’s and her daughter's friend’s expense. Other than a few bucks in her own pocket, this woman learned, taught and experienced nothing of value.

Not everyone — certainly not yours truly — can afford to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it. I recognize I am quite fortunate to travel for a living, but this doesn’t mean that virtually anyone can’t have a fun and learning experience at a relatively limited cost. (Heck, get in your car and for the cost of a tank of gas there’s undoubtedly something of value at a low or no expense, just down the road.)

Instead, all this cheapskate Mom got for her heavily-pinched money was a typical day around her hometown and a decidedly unLas Vegas experience. She, and the daughters learned nothing, experienced nothing particularly interesting, and in fact, suffered a bit for the effort. 

And the cost of that to each and every one of them, is immeasurable.

The cost of the experience