PLEASE don't make me FLY!!!

We need to have a discussion, you and I. Quietly and one on one.

I have a secret. You cannot tell anyone, but you deserve to know. I love to travel, as you know. I love the visit to another place, the experiences, the fun, the local people, sights and cuisine.

But I hate getting there. 

 Let me be more specific: If it involves flight, I bite my lip, drag the luggage wherever they point me, stand, stand, stand in long queues, and generally dislike the entire experience of the modern day air travel.

There are exceptions, of course, but anything that remotely resembles long walks, followed by long, hot waits in line at ticket counters or -- far worse -- Security Check Points, I am not a fan.

In my years, I've had the misfortune to find myself in such pleasure centers as Dallas/Fort Worth, Atlanta, Chicago, and -- worst of the worst -- the appropriately titled Miami International Airport...aka MIA.

It's just a slog.

For obvious reasons, I have to carry on a lot. Within guidelines. Please don't assume I'm one of those annoying folks who argue that a three foot by five foot cargo locker is, indeed, a carryon. We know it's not. They know it's not. They've just done the mental mathematics that their convenience of not having to wait in baggage claim outweighs anyone else's need for a comfortable flight. They usually try to stuff these oversized couches into the overhead bin, which, of course, involves a good deal of pounding, sliding and loud din as the flight attendants practically beg the passenger to let them check the bag.

No, what I carry on is right-sized, but heavy. It's too small for even the small wheeled bags, which means I get to carry it the four and a half miles between the ticket counter, through customs...er, Security...and down the longest, hottest and most congested corridors in the known universe. And that doesn't include the ballet dance of holding one bag -- my cameras -- in front of me and the other bag -- my computer -- behind me as I twist my way down the narrow aisle in the center of the aircraft.

Ugh.

To be fair, there are exceptions...more because they are NOT the usual oversized shopping mall with gates, or Greyhound of the skies instead of being truly superlative. Some airlines, some airports ARE good, but it's sad this makes them so notable an exception.

We were bored, one night circa 1981, in the dorms at college. Not an easy thing to accomplish. So my friend Mike -- his real name -- suggested we go to LAX.

This was in the era before airports came to resemble shopping malls with a Customs department at the entrances. When family and loved ones met you at the gate instead of being relegated to standing at the luggage carousel amidst the families, friends and for-rent chauffeurs holding signs with some sort of referential calling for their fares.

It's no secret that airline travel has become a brutal test of endurance rather than the luxurious adventure in the air that we see in old movies and a few of us still retain in the dark recesses of our imaginations. Airliners of the 21st century have more in common with busses than they do with luxury. Even in first class -- which we flew cross country last August -- is little better than economy used to be.

The smaller the better

Once I would walk through the first class seats thinking "someday". Now it's more like "you poor naive saps" as I look down at the folks who are in seats that look uncommonly familiar -- maybe we sat upon them in economy a few years ago and they've been "repurposed" for first class? )I note and recognize that this is a domestic phenomenon. International Business Class and international flights in general seem to retain the old standards. This is why I can't attribute the decrease in quality as a figment of my imagination…we have examples of the former way of doing things right in front of us. Literally, in the case of first class!)

I've become seriously disenchanted with air travel, and now view it as solely a method to get to points too far to drive. But that definition is extending. Later this year we're driving to San Francisco rather than fly -- and just this last week I was seriously considering driving to Phoenix from Los Angeles rather than fly there for a business trip. And that doesn't speak well of the airline industry

There are exceptions, no doubt, as I said above. I love Long Beach Airport. There's still a sense of fun and adventure as you pull up to the art deco terminal. There's a sense of history, and it's an intimate enough terminal to lose the shopping mall appeal of most major airports. There's a significant renovation going on, which makes the walk out to the aircraft a bit of a trek…but then I reminded myself that the walk from the gate to the plane in this instance is less than the walk from most airport ticket counters to the gate. The airport promises to be a beautiful one when the work is complete. There is a strong effort to retain the appeal of a smaller more efficient terminal, avoiding the cold impersonality of LAX or even John Wayne Airport just down in Orange County.

Buckle up....

The decline of air travel is a three-fold affair: airports, airlines, and the TSA. I've already discussed the first two, but it's the latter which has, in many cases, put such a damper on travel.

Make no mistake: we now go through Customs each and every time we head to the gate. We are searched, our documents are checked, and we (usually) stand in long lines waiting to be allowed into the Inner Sanctum. It's the exact same process as Customs in an international flight, only with differing interest in what you might have packed away. As much as is possible, I recognize that the TSA officials at the airports do their best to be efficient and friendly…but it's still a major inconvenience to each and every traveler. Some airports/TSA teams do it better than others. Best in my experience: Washington Dulles, Long Beach and Denver. Worst: JFK, Atlanta, Dallas and the aforementionedMiami International Airport (aka "MIA").

The sad thing is, there's little if nothing any of us can do about it other than patronize those airlines and airports who "get it". But, unlike the LA metropolitan area which has five large airports, most cities have but one. Phoenix, San Diego, Philadelphia and most other destinations have the one field and that's it.

So much the pity.

Destination ahead...way, way ahead.